After 7 months.....

I probably will not be blogging here anymore :(

I have decided to keep my home and work life very seperate. There are a couple of people I would rather not be reading my blog....

If you have any questions or would like to email me....

angela@ncf.ca (or you can email my hotmail address if you have that one!!)

Dreaming!

Coin Collection

These are coin sets that my granparents bought me when I was young. The years range from 1973-1977!

Here are all the coins I have collected over the years. Most of them are coins from Europe from when my bestfriend went. She visited 12 countries and I told her all I wanted were postcards and coins!! But I also picked up the odd coin here and there when I worked as a cashier. People would accidently give a carribean or british coin instead of quarter and I would change them in and keep them! Probably changed my quarter in for a mexican penny or something, but I liked the coins.... As a child I was in love with "bunny" nickels.

Sometimes for fun I look at the Canadian Mint website! I used to have more coins but I once gave my brother some as a gift because he collects coins and I was too poor to buy him a birthday gift. I also once sold some of my silver and half dollars because I was poor. I really regret selling them!

This is my grandfathers 1976 Olympic coin set. I got it when he died (when I was 7). It is the only thing I have of his.

Books, Movies, and more...

I went to Chapter's to look for the book "If Budha Dated" but it was sold out, however I found the book pictured above! I loved "The Four Agreements" so I am hopeful I will love this one too. This book is another ancient toltec wisdom book/ practical guide.

My trip to Old Navy was disappointing. Everything was on sale but I didn't find anything I wanted. I did buy two white t-shirts though. They had some pretty sweet baby clothes, but I resisted buying them as I don't have a baby!

Ever since Parasol posted about Greens+ I have been reading their website... and have become interested in some of their other products. I bought Shape+, Lean+, and Abs+. All natural weightloss supplements full of things that are good for you, like calcium, green tea, CLA... It was expensive, but I figure it'll be worth it if it works. I am also interested in some of the other ones, such as Joy+, Serenity+, and Adrena+.... to increase happiness and decrease stress.

I rented two movies. "If Only" and "The Truth about Love" Turned out when I got home that they were both British Movies and both had Jennifer Love Hewitt in them. Weird! I absolutely LOVED If Only . I would definitely buy it. It is something I think about all the time. What if you get into a fight with someone and then they die. Anyway the movie was really sad, and the second half was really intense. I think my sister would really like this movie! So now I have 3 independent films I want to go out and buy (which I will probably have to order)- Imagine Me & You, Easy, and If Only.

Benjamin, my mini rex

Tim called me at 7pm and asked me if I wanted to go to his place to have dinner with his parents tonight. Very spontaneous. I usually like to know these things in advance, but tonight I had no plans so I said yes without hesitating. Dessert at DQ! I had a good evening. A good start to my 3 days off.

Tim's parents visited my apartment and were very taken by Ben! It is hard not to love a mini rex with their plush velvety coats and curly whiskers. I could own a dozen of them.

Quiz

Quiz time
1. The book nearest me - Marley and Me (borrowed from Parasol today)
2. Stretch out left arm what do you touch? - air- if my arm was longer, dried herbs and dried maritime berries in a vase
3. Last thing watched on television? -News
4. Without looking what time is it? - 6:05pm
5. What actual time is it? - 6:12
6. With the exception of the computer what can you hear? -TV commercial
7. When did you last step outside? - two hours ago when I biked home from work
8. Before this survey what did you look at? - various blogs
9. What are you wearing? - chocolate colored capri pants and my blue Maine shirt
10. Did you dream last night? -nothing that I can remember, thankfully. Two nights ago I dreamt I was shot twice at work (nice!!)
11. When did you last laugh? - I cannot remember (note to self- must laught more!!)
12. What is on the walls in the room? - prints of van gogh paintings, print of a Monet, photo of the ocean, two paintings I did, a candle holder, bulletin board, a mirror
13. Seen anything weird lately? - yesterday at work a guy (that I did not know) took off his shirt and showed me his tattoo
14. What do you think of this quiz? - nice to have new quiz questions
15. What is the last film you saw? - on DVD- Failure to Launch, in a theater- the Lake House
16. Tell me something we don't know - I don't do my dishes everyday. Oh well. The world hasn't come to an end yet :)
17. If you could change one thing about the world, what would you do? - Have the world run by introverted women (I think the world would be much more peaceful)
18. Do you like to dance? - LOVE it!19. George Bush? - no comment
20. Imagine your first child is a girl - pick a name- Isabelle or Charlotte ( Tim and I's grandmother's names) or Eila (after a friend I had when I lived in Toronto- pronounced Ay-lah)
21. Imagine your first child is a boy - pick a name- something Irish probably. Will need to buy an Irish baby names book.
22. Would you consider living abroad? - Yes. I feel confident enough now to know that I would be fine living anywhere in the world. There are definitely some places I would gravitate to- Western Europe, or anywhere south of the equator.
23. What would God say to you when you reach the pearly gates? - I don't believe in God or the Pearly Gates.

Spaded and has Shoots! (that title's for you Parasol!)

Here is a picture of Tabitha, sitting on my bedroom window sill looking outside. Most of the time if I don't know where she is that is where I find her. Seeing her shadowy figure behind the curtain makes me smile. She spends most of her time these days looking outside or napping in the window sill. It seems like a nice way to spend time. She is 16 now. She is very peaceful and seems to be doing reasonably well (hairloss and vomitting aside!)... Every day with her is a blessing.

.

Plans for the weekend:

• trip to Old Navy
• see a movie
• get outside for a bit (maybe a picnic?) I am in need of a bit of nature.
• possibly a trip to SDM as this weekend if you spend $50 you'll get a free magazine subscription!! I am hoping they will allow points as payment- but even if not I could still probably come up with $50 worth of needs and wants!
• Need to go to Loblaws to get groceries and deposit money into joint savings account.
• work on scrapbook and/ or jewellery project

That is it so far! Sounds exciting, doesn't it??

Thank You

This morning while crossing the street I found a squirrel that had just been hit by a car. It was warm, and still breathing, but bleeding from its mouth. I moved it to the sidewalk and sat down beside it. I pet it, wondering if it would live if I called for help. It died right then. I was happy it didn't suffer for very long. It wasn't there when I went into the store so it only had to have been just hit. Two girls stopped, one to help, and one after the fact to say I did a wonderful thing that she wouldn't have been able to do. I really hate roadkill.

I only slept 5 hours last night so when I got home from work I fell asleep for 3 hours.

I would like to sincerely thank all of you who supported me and listened to me the past couple of weeks. Every kind word meant so much. It all helped me stay sane. I feel very loved by the people around me. I have had two very emotional weeks in a row. I now feel a sense of normalcy has returned to my life. THANK GOD! It always take a while to feel back to normal after such emotional turmoil... but I am optimistic that things are back on track now.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Last night I went on my treadmill for an hour. I have lost 5 lbs in the past week- making my total of 33 lbs in the past year. I have lost almost 20lbs since Christmas. I am quite pleased. My new "mini" goal is to lose 8lbs. I no longer eat to feed some emotional need. I eat to nourish my body. Usually on weekends (or special occassions) I will be a little more slack and will allow myself to eat foods that are otherwise not a part of my life. No deprivation. I am thrilled with my ability to maintain a healthy relationship with food. I have also cut out most diet drinks and replaced pop with water (sometimes with chunks of lemon squeezed in) and iced green tea. I am still horrified with myself that I ever gained the weight in the first place. But I do believe that within the next year (hopefully much sooner) I will be thin again and healthier and happier than ever. I will not be happy because I am thin- I will be happy because I will be healthy and my external body will match the way I feel on the inside. I feel I am a better person for going through this whole weight journey. I am a work in progress, making small steps everyday to reach my goal of internal peace and happiness.

Last night I finally finished reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" which I can now return to my sister. It was such a sad, but inspirational book. I highly recommend it!

Herbs

This is my window garden. Lavender, basil and mint.

There are so many thoughts and emotions swirling through my head that I cannot share so instead I post this.......

The Farm

Work on my mother's scrapbooking gift has come to a stop... I haven't been feeling creative this week. I am having a very difficult week actually.

Here is a page from the scrapbook. This is a picture of the farmhouse my parents bought when I was young. We would go up on weekends to renovate it. It had apple trees. I loved this house. It was in the country on the Quebec side. There was about an acre of land. Next door there was a farm with cows. It had 6 bedrooms and two staircases going upstairs. It also had a piano, which I thought was wonderful. Even though I was only about 5 I can still remember alot about it. It is a giant happy memory in my mind. I think it was about 100 years old... I could be wrong. My parents sold it because they decided we would never move there because all the schools were french only. The person who bought the house tore it down and build a bungalow (or something stupid like that). That always upset me.... I wish we had more pictures of it.

Flowers

We celebrated my mom's birthday yesterday. These are the flowers I bought her.

On Being Happy

Here is an interesting article I found about Happiness!
(this next bit is from www.biopsychiatry.com)

Why do insults once hurled at us stick inside our skull, sometimes for decades? Why do some people have to work extra hard to ward off depression?
The answer is, for the same reason political smear campaigns outpull positive ones. Nastiness just makes a bigger impact on our brains.
And that is due to the brain's "negativity bias": Your brain is simply built with a greater sensitivity to unpleasant news. The bias is so automatic that it can be detected at the earliest stage of the brain's information processing.

So it should come as no surprise to learn that it plays an especially powerful role in our most intimate relationships. Numerous researchers have found that there is an ideal balance between negativity and positivity in the atmosphere between partners. There seems to be some kind of thermostat operating in healthy marriages that almost automatically regulates the balance between positive and negative.

Here's the tricky part. Because of the disproportionate weight of the negative, balance does not mean a 50-50 equilibrium. Researchers have carefully charted the amount of time couples spend fighting vs. interacting positively. And they have found that a very specific ratio exists between the amount of positivity and negativity required to make married life satisfying to both partners.

That magic ratio is five to one. As long as there was five times as much positive feeling and interaction between husband and wife as there was negative, researchers found, the marriage was likely to be stable over time. In contrast, those couples who were heading for divorce were doing far too little on the positive side to compensate for the growing negativity between them.
Other researchers have found the same results in other spheres of our life. It is the frequency of small positive acts that matters most, in a ratio of about five to one.
Occasional big positive experiences--say, a birthday bash--are nice. But they don't make the necessary impact on our brain to override the tilt to negativity. It takes frequent small positive experiences to tip the scales toward happiness.

So, what does this all have to do with me?

Apparently, one small negative comment can undo many hours of happiness. I guess this would explain why I have such a hard time "bouncing back" after a negative comment or incident. Because I know that I have a hard time with depression and anxiety I have spent the last several years trying to focus on the positive, surrounding myself with positive people, reading postiive books, and trying to maintain a postive outlook. It is a much happier and healthier way to live. And when I encounter negative people I usually try to minimize my time around them as I don't want to be sucked into that energy draining pit of gloom and misery.

I want a life filled with joy. I want a home filled with laughter. I would take that over a million dollars anyday. Inner peace has been at the top of my wish list, over everything else, my entire life. Happiness trumps everything else.

In Random Order

My new top from Old Navy. When I got to the cash it was $7.95 including tax!!!! What a deal. It was regular $34.99m but the price tag said $23.99. It has elephants on the bottom....

Fireworks!!!!

I bought a new ring in the market.... $5.00.

Me! All dressed in red & white plus 3 Canada day tatoos on and ready to go!

We went to Parliament Hill but decided not to stay as they were searching bags and our "picnic" included wine.... along with cherries and havarti with carraway.... yum! So we went back to Major's Hill Park :)

Corina (my sister) and I

We also went to Mexi's in the market and had margaritas and nachos!!!

It was a fun. but exhausting day. LOTS of walking.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!

My favorite day of the year.

As a child my father would make my brother, sister and I stand out on the intersection where we lived (at Montreal Rd- which was high traffic) and wave a giant Canada Flag at the passing cars.

My sister and I are going downtown for a picnic. (we are aiming for a day long event- staying until the fireworks at 10pm).... I have trouble finding people who want to go downtown with me, willingly and enthusiastically. I long for the day that I have children I can dress up in red and white and bring with me!!!! Some people get this excited about sports (soccer! hockey!) so I don't think its that weird that I have found two days (St Patty's Day) of the year I like to really celebrate.

When I am 45 it will Canada's 150th birthday- I have been looking forward to that since the 125th birthday. I have 11 years to go....

I will post pictures later!!

P.S I found cherries on sale for 1.99/lb yesterday :)

My bedroom!

Here is my newly rearranged bedroom. It took me 2 hours. Monday I was upset and I did it because my papazan chair was always in the way... I definitely have too much stuff for my tiny apartment. I rearrange furniture when I am really upset. It just happens. It always makes me feel better. I am loving my bedroom so much more now.... My favorite piece of furniture is the red wooden hutch (pictured in the middle with the lamp on it). I bought it off my friend (plus a pine bookshelf, the mirror in the top picture, and the sunflower picture in the bottom picture ALL for $50.00) ... I loved in when I lived with her 10 years ago and could not believe she wanted to get rid of it (last year) and would have paid almost any amount for it. Her dad had completely refinished it and restained it and it looks like new. I LOVE it. I really would love new curtains though.... These are my homemade ones. I also made the curtain rods out of stained bamboo and hooks. I would love to make irridescent sheer silky curtains with a beaded trim in a rich pink or red.... and have REAL store bought curtain rods and finials! I used to have a mosquito net to go over the bed from Pier 1 with a beaded trim but Friday climbed it when she was a kitten... so I took it down.

I have begged Tim to let me decorate just one room any way I like so I can do it in a Morrocan/Asian theme with all kinds of funky textures and colors and I can put my beaded lantern and pillows. It will probably be the spare room or something. Maybe a "yoga room/ reading/ spare guest room".... When I was little I wanted to live in a "genie bottle" just like on "I dream of genie" with gorgeous velvet pillows everywhere.... I love color, textures, beads, silk, velvet, sequins. It will be an awesome room... guests will LOVE it!

Do you believe in love at first sight?

"Imagine Me and You" was fantastic! What do you do if you meet the love of your life after you are already married? It makes you think about love and love at first sight. British romantic comedies are my favorite. This one was really good. I would buy it.

"Me, You and Everyone We Know" was good, but dark. About the subtle things that happen day to day. I love Independent films.

Tommorow is the funeral. I just had a very sad chat with my mom. Tim is leaving for Boston again on Wednesday. Friday I am going to see the Lake House with Sue. Saturday is Canada Day- which I am celebrating with my sister, downtown. What a week.

joey and scarlet

Joey (on right) and Scarlet (left) are my 5 year old chinchillas. Every morning when I go into the kitchen they are snuggled up in their fleece hammock. They are so sweet. I just adore them. Sweet, quiet, gentle, curious, comical... Today I bought them some dried cranberries and raisins at the Herb & Spice.

Work was horrible today.

I am feeling much more sad about my uncle... It seems like when I get bad news I go into shock or denial or something. It takes a while to absorb it... and the more I think about it the more emotional I get. And then I try not to think about it. So I have to distract myself. But there is this underlying feeling of sadness that is constant.

To distract myself I rented two movies: Me and You and Everyone We Know, and Imagine Me & You. (seems like a bit of a me and you theme... didn't even realize that until I got home... it took me forever to decide what to rent- I almost rented "Easy" again cause that is my favorite!!!!!! I have already rented it 3 times because I can't find it for sale in the stores. I must get around to ordering it oneday! )

I have been bloated and crampy for 3 days.

My Uncle Colin

My uncle died. My mom is really upset, which really upsets me. I can't call her because she is too upset to talk. I wonder how my aunt is doing. Probably not so good. She and my uncle have been together forever... Sometimes I hate how temporary everything is, and how eventually you will have to say goodbye to everyone... I hate goodbyes.

The only thing that comforts me is knowing that oneday (when you die) you get to see everyone again :) But when someone dies it make me think about death. my own and everyone else's. I try to remind myself to appreciate things more. To cherish everyone who is still alive and a part of my life. I cannot even image the sadness I would feel if I lost Tim, or my parents, or sibblings...

It might be similar to this:

When my cat "Ash" died 4 1/2 years ago I lived in Toronto. That was the most grief I have ever experienced for any living thing. I quit my job, called off my wedding, and moved back to Ottawa. I had no plan. just grief. My entire life changed in an instant. It took me exactly a year to stop crying. He was my comfort and he was gone. And he died in my arms at four years old from liver failure. I finally figured out that he reacted badly to valium. Something I didn't know about cats. Some cats cannot handle valium and it can cause liver failure very quickly (within a week). That experienced changed me more than any other in my life.

I understand that kind of grief that rips your heart out because I have felt it. I also know that time is very healing. So where I am not at all religious, I am strongly spiritual. I believe very strongly in karma, reincarnation, and afterlife. Those beliefs help me make sense of sad things and give me comfort. I don't think you can understand that kind of grief unless you have experienced it, and I think once you have experienced it you really feel sad for the people who are going through it. It is so hard.

Other than that the grief I have experienced has been varied... the loss of many pets, my grandparents dying when I was young, two coworkers , a friend , and my favorite cousin...

Seeing other people grief stricken upsets me. I can empathize. I hope I don't have to experience that kind of loss any time soon....

Life is sad. and short.

Some Great News!

This good news came directly from my coworker and sweet friend by phone- just as I was thinking how sad it would be for Willie and Waylon to be seperated after they have found so much comfort together:

Willie and Waylon were adopted TOGETHER!!!!

Today!! their first day up for adoption!!!! I am SO HAPPY! My boys get to stay together. They LOVE each other!! They will be so happy... and they are going to a home where they will live with an 8 year old cat and will be indoor cats (and NOT declawed!)... YIPPEE!!!!!

In other news, I made a bracelet today with my new beads... FOR ME. Sorry the picture is blurry... It looks very similar to the neclace I made a while ago (see picture on previous post!!) . I never ever make myself anything... and since I have made so much for other people I thought I would make something for myself!

I Hate Goodbyes

Today has been a flurry of emotion.

The Bad Stuff:

Today Tim and I returned our foster kittens for adoption. I always feel like I am abandonning them. I hate saying goodbye. They will live in my heart forever. My apartment is so quiet again. I really hope they get adopted quickly. (must not think about it too much or I will get sad...)

Last night I found out my Uncle (Collin) had a heart attack and will probably not survive :( VERY sad news....

The Good Stuff:

I lost another pound (you can't see me but I am doing a happy dance!!)... I finally broke free from the stupid number I was stuck on! I have been eating really good so I knew it would pay off!! I have lost 28 lbs in the last year.

I went to the Parkdale Market and bought cherries, on sale for $4.99/lb, cucumber (for Ben- as the only cucumbers I eat are pickled- ha ha!), corn on the cob, and strawberries.

The new Food and Drink Magazine is out at the LCBO! Gotta love FREE magazines! I felt weird about just going in for the free magazine, so I bought some Yellow Tail Shiraz too!

Good Morning!

This morning my alarm was set for 9am- which would have given me exactly 9 hours sleep. I woke up a few minutes before my alarm... I heard one of the kittens in his litter box so I jumped out to go look to make sure everything is OK as they are hopefully going back for adoption tommorow! (weird that I am obsessed with my pets bowel movements... but it is such a happy day when everyone poos good!)

I then decided to go pee and when I put the seat up Willie jumped head first into the toilet. Nice. Which is exactly why I keep the seat down!! He is so quick!! Then I found Waylon playing with my good water bottle lid and straw. And then I turned around and Friday was in Ben's cage. Ben was running loose. I was trying to feed Tabitha (seperately) so I had baby gated myself in the kitchen with her.

Last night when they were being quiet (usually a bad sign!!) they had taken a bag of whole wheat buns from the kitchen table and dragged them into the bathroom! Luckily they didn't eat any, they just made a few little holes in the bag.

So now that everyone is fed, and all litter boxes are clean I am going to have my morning coffee....

Firefly

Here is a list of all the good things I try to do for my body daily:

• sleep enough (9 hours preferably)
• drink water (so much that I woke up 4 times last night to pee- which really seemed to interfere with "sleeping enough")
• drink green tea (cold)
• take a stress vitamin (B & C)
• quit smoking (one month today!)
• yoga
• biking almost everyday
• walking (when I am not on my bike)
• reduce stress
• eating healthy foods ( including fruit, fiber, whole grains, unsalted trail mix, soy)... I am trying really hard to cut out processed foods and crap food. It is becoming easier everyday! Today I fell in love with cherries :)
• very limited alcohol and diet soda
• take echinacea (to help with my allergies) and apple cider vinegar pills

I feel pretty good.... I still want to do more. I have alot of years of unhealthy habits to undo. One day at a time....

P.S. Last night there was a firefly in my apartment... It was glowing!! When I went to sleep he was flying around lighting up the dark spaces... I was too tired to try and catch it. I haven't seen it today so I am hoping he made his way back outside!

My Day included:

sleeping in

40 minutes of yoga

biking to Loblaws Superstore

making prints of pictures for scrapbook (for mom)

deposited money into our joint account!

bought groceries

doing laundry

talking to my mom

(found out the neclace I made for her friend FIT!!!! and she loved it!)

chatting with my sister via emails

cooking dinner (baked potato and soy "chickenless" burger)

reading Yoga Life Magazine

Happy Father's Day!

My new yoga mat!

I fell in love with this card making kit. It was definitley a splurge to buy it... but it made me very happy! I love making cards. I would much rather make them than buy them in the store! The hardest part was deciding between the two kits. The other one was really nice too! It has 60 embelishments for the (18) cards... but I figure I will probably use some of the kit for scrapbooking. The stuff in it would make the sweetest baby scrapbook ever. All we need now is a baby :)

I also bought a whole bunch of bead supplies that I needed. I have to make another blue neclace (like the last one) but slightly larger as we don't think the first one will fit. The last one took up most of my blue beads- so I bought enough and then some. I also bought silk cording to try a new project (inspired by my stepmom's new neclace!!). I could easily spend a million dollars at Michaels. I definitely need more space for my crafting supplies.

While at Michaels I decided that I would make my mom a scrapbook(of her and I) for her birthday in July. I made her jewellery for xmas and mother's day so I thought something different would be good. I think she gave me most of her pictures of me as a child so I am going to use the Kodak picture maker and get copies... I think she'll like it. I bought a small red scrapbook, some scrap booking paper and have found a bunch of pictures so far....

Tim and I were supposed to take the kittens back for adoption Sat morning but Waylon had diarrhea and one of the cats vomitted food so we had to put it off for a few days! It's always something with those two. They just don't want to leave...

Today we are going to my dad's for Father's Day (dinner). HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

And then I am still off tommorow.

Iced Tea

I finally got around to making homemade Iced Tea. I used morrocan style PC mint Green tea, some fresh lemon and lime, low cal sweetener, abit of honey and fresh mint leaves. Very tasty!! I am also quite pleased with how the picture turned out ! I very rarely ever take a good picture of anything, so when a picture does turn out it is sheer luck. I don't have any editing software (YET) - so this picture is completely uncropped and unedited!!

Playing

Waylon (left), Willie (middle), Friday (right)

After dinner (marinated chicken and veggie kebobs and rice made by me!) we played with the cats. Waylon, Willie, and Friday play so well together. Friday and Willie wrestle. It is so sweet to watch. I am constantly amazed to watch as there is a significant (8lbs??) size difference between them! Waylon is most cautious about wrestling such a big cat. Willie has no fear whatsoever. I even witnessed Friday licking Willie's head. Exhausted from a vigorous play session with the laser pointer, they are all asleep now. Saturday is the day the kittens go back for adoption! (Tabitha had no interest in playing...but would show up once in a while for petting!)

Does everyone know this?

Every once in a while I say something really stupid. This only seems to happen when I am with Tim for some reason. He gets a good laugh from some of the things I come up with. Sometimes it is because I talk too fast or don't think about what I am going to say or I confuse two things.....

As some of you know from a recent post that I have had a craving for sweet pickles. They are the only kind of pickles I like. And I have since childhood. So on grocery day I bought some. Yesterday I was sitting on the bed with Tim eating a few with a fork. Tim and I were passing them back and forth. I put the lid on a looked at the jar. I decided to see what all the "other things" in the jar actually were as I only like the pickles and sweet pickles always seemed to be "mixed". Cauliflower, onions.... weird though that the first ingredient is "CUCUMBERS"... Why isn't the first ingredient "PICKLES"? So, I ask Tim "uh, are pickles cucumbers????" I always thought pickles were pickles... NOT pickled cucumbers.... Hmmmm... I was SHOCKED. And then horrified.

I can't be the only person who doesn't know.... can I?

At least now I can add cucumbers to the list of food I like!

a work in progress

The current color of my hair- in bathroom lighting!

Maybe it would look lighter if I took an outside picture? In the sun... Will have to try that and compare!! maybe tommorow, there isn't much sun left today.

I am an addict

Today is my 19th day in a row smoke free. Tim reminded me today that isn't actually that great since I had quit for a whole YEAR and then started again. But to me it is a huge victory as it was really really hard to quit and stay quit. I would quit every week at least and then relapse over and over again. What seemed to help was watching a TV show on alcohol addiction. It made me realize that I am an addict and cannot have even one. I fooled myself over time to think I could just start and stop at will. but it got harder and harder to quit, or to remain smoke free. I feel like the hardest part is over so I don't want to go back again. I have moments when I crave one but they seem to pass. I am not obsessed with it right now. Most of the time it is easy... I just have to get through the hard moments when they come.

This is my weekend to work and it wasn't so bad. I am loving my newly re-arranged schedule! I am off tommorow instead of Tuesday and it has made a huge difference on how I felt all weekend as well as how easy my normally dreadful Sunday shift was. After working Friday, Saturday and Sunday it is so nice to be off tommorow. Next weekend I have a 3 days off which will make this week even easier. I also have a 4 day weekend coming (Canada Day weekend). I have booked off an extra Monday a month (at my own expense) to try to create some much needed balance in my life. So my new schedule will only have me working one Monday a month, instead of 4. Mondays are insane at work.

After work today Tim and I spent 9 hours together :) It was really relaxing. We laughed, talked, shopped... We cashed in 40,000 Shopper's Points for $100 worth of free stuff. We bought lamps that were a really good price! On sale for $25 for a set of 3. It is exciting to buy things for the house that we will oneday have to decorate. It is nice to find things we both like. That is the challenging part.

I recently cashed in 100 airmiles for a Chatelaine subscription.

Tommorow I plan to : sleep in, do laundry, groceries, clean, repot my new plants- and use my new (not likely to start a fire) curling iron. As soon as my hair gets long it gets pretty lifeless so I am hoping this will add much needed volume and life! As well I bought John Frieda's blonde nourishing spray. I am determined to highlight my hair in the cheapest (and most time consuming) way possible as I simply cannot afford to get it done in the salon. So I use a blonde highlighting spray, as well as highlighting products (shampoo, spray, foam mousse). I hate that my hair gets so dark when I am not in the sun. It seems to be lightening very gradually...

And hopefully I will get a chance to roll all my change. My estimate is that we now have about $80 in change. Not bad for a month of collecting change. And so far I have collected ALOT of stuff for my next yard sale. Does anyone have an extra clothes rack I can borrow to hang clothes on that day? Or any ideas as to where I can get one cheap? I also need tables to display things....

Day 16 Smoke Free

Today is the 16th day I have not smoked. And today I finally got on my treadmill :)

I am craving chicken kebobs with sweet peppers, onion, pineapple marinated in BBQ sauce. I also found a recipe I want to try: Pineapple salad (with carrots, pineapple, lime juice, basil, mint, chives, black pepper)...

and I also in the mood for walnuts and sweet pickles.

I froze all the leftover lasagna from last weekend in individual servings and it is delicious! homemade lasagna in under 5 minutes!! not too unhealthy since I used extra lean meat, partly skimmed mozzarella, and light sour cream (instead of ricotta).

I bought a "Lipton diet green tea with citrus" drink today- was pretty good. And I am thinking I might try making iced green tea from scratch. I have never made ice tea, but how hard can it be!?

Fish!

Yesterday I was not feeling well. physically (back pain and upset stomach), mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I was weepy and irritable. I didn't sleep at all the night before. I decided to take a walk and see if that helped me feel better. I went to the second hand store and found these 4 books! $2.00 each (in brand new condition and regularly priced at $29.95 each- what a bargain!!). I often find that reading is "healing". I try to read something that will put a postive spin on whatever problem I am experiencing. It worked! I am not feeling 100% better but I feel much better. Sometimes it is good to take a step back, take a deep breath and refocus.

They are very easy reads. The first one Fish! is about improving morale at work. It defines the four steps for creating a better work environment (for ANY type of job) . Essentially their philosophy is this:

1. choose your attitude

2. play (fun is energizing and sparks creativity)

3. make their day (customers or co-workers)

4. be present (focus on what you are doing in the moment)

The second book is Fish!Tales shows examples of real businesses putting the philosophy into action. The 3rd book is Fish! Sticks and it shows how to adapt to change, to make change stick, and how to keep work fresh. Fish! for Life is how to be your best at home and how to achieve your dreams.

I think it is a wonderful concept.. and that everyone should read these!!

Shopping and Dinner

Before dinner we went shopping. I bought new blue crocks! I love them :) and I bought 2 tshirts and a white shirt (pictured) that Tim calls a "hippy" shirt. It is pretty and feminine and very summery. I also bought two books. I love books on alternative health care.

We had a very enjoyable dinner at my dad's house tonight. We brought over dinner and cake so my stepmom could have a break and not have to cook. Tommorow my dad goes in for knee surgery, again... And my brother and his gf came too!

A very good weekend. Other than not catching up on much needed sleep! At least I can sleep in this week as all my shifts start at noon. And I will have time to do yoga also.

Happy Birthday Tim!!

(I promise next year I will be more organized)

P.S And we opened a joint bank account this weekend!! So, we are legally joined "at the bank"! That was kind of fun.. Our bank guy was funny. Very talkative. We went with PC Financial instead of with either of the banks we deal with for other stuff... Mostly because we won't have to pay any fees for anything. It'll be neat to get our cheques with both our names on them!

Random Thoughts

Here is a pic of Waylon and Willie playing in the papazan chair

Today is Day 11 of NOT smoking

I hate that my weekend off is rainy and gray

Tommorow is Tim's 38th birthday

I am making Tim homemade lasagna for dinner and I bought lemon cheesecake from Thyme and Again for desert (they have the BEST desserts)

I am waiting for Tim to get here...He took a nap (at his office) and is now over an hour late :( I will forgive him since I know how tired he is AND it is his birthday weekend!

Canada Day is coming up... Is anyone interested in having a picnic on Parliament Hill with me?

Surprisingly I have received alot of compliments on my lime green sandals

I can't find my book "Herbs for Health and Happiness" anywhere in my apartment... I LOVE that book and it is very annoying that I have misplaced it

Lavender

Last night during our trip to Shopper's Drug Mart Tim bought me Method Lavender cleaning supplies. Hand soap, dish soap, cleaning wipes, and all purpose spray. Smells wonderful. And such a pretty color. (I know I have blogged about my love of this stuff before so I won't go on and on about it...)

We spent ALOT of money last night. I am not sure how exactly that happened. We needed alot of things I suppose. We now have ALOT of points. We have enough points to cash in 75,000 points to get $150 worth of free stuff.

And then we went to Dairy Queen for a treat.

Thankfully it is Friday! I am so happy to be off for two days. I feel too exhausted to get anything done right now. I am in desperate need of sleep and lots of it.

Strawberry Smoothie :)

I biked to the Parkdale Market after work and bought strawberries (and some carrots for Ben). I also bought Mint, Lavender, and Basil. When I got home I made a strawberry smoothie (just strawberries, ice, milk and 2 packages of sweetener) and it was delicious!!!

Waylon and Willie are on Doxy for 10 days. They did well travelling back to the shelter and being housed in a cage surrounded by angry, hissy cats and listening to dogs barking. However, they were very happy to be home! Willie now weighs .98kg and Waylon weighs 1.98kg.

Tommorow is 20x the points at Shopper's Drug Mart (the 'secret' event- by invitation only).. Tim and I are going after work. I am finally going to buy the John Frieda Blonde Luminous Color Glaze. I cannot count the number of trips we have made to SDM together- We do love going there. We go to EVERY 20X the points events.

I have saved $50 in change over the past month. I have saved ALL my change- everyday I empy my change into the jar. This weekend we are opening a joint savings account... to start saving for our future goals...

That is about it. Work was stressful. I am exhausted. I haven't done yoga at all this week as I have to be at work at 8am and am too tired when I get home. I wish I could force myself to go to bed early and get up early to do it, but I can't seem to. I am missing it....

Goodnight :)

Willie N

Willie is now about 2 months old. He is double the size he was when we started fostering him. It took him 3 weeks but he is finally big enough to jump up to the window from the chair. He was sound asleep when I took this picture. He is such a darling. Very gentle and affectionate. Waylon is becoming more loving and even lied in my lap today. They both got their first nail trims today. I will miss "my boys" when they go back for adoption. But it probably will be a while as they have URI and I have to get them meds. It is always so hard to say goodbye. But I am getting better. Although the thought of it always makes me sick to my stomach....

clutter free kitchen

I spent 3 hours cleaning/organizing my kitchen today. I threw out 2 big bags of garbage and I have a huge box of old dishes etc to throw out on Sunday. I went through every drawer and cupboard. I also put aside a few things for the yard sale. I spent about another hour organizing the rest of my apartment and did two loads of laundry.

I never showered or went outside. What a fun day off (not).

I love my cookbooks! I love browsing recipes. Sometimes when I go to other people homes I browse through their cookbooks as well.